You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
