Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
