So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
