I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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