just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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