wat bout pragnant strippers??
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
