I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
