The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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