i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
vagina is talking i cant
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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