There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
