He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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