Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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