Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
