I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
