im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
