she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
