1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
