her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
