Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
