I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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