I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He shit in the fireplace
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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