sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
