the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
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