so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
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