How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
