I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
