I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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