I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
