You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
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