yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
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