it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
