She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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