On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
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