shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
