At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
