Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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