"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
