I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
