Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
