I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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