She told me I should be a condom model.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
