I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
