Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
