I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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