if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Randomize
