I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize