Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
