I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
