is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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