I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
