Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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