went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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