I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
farters have to be the big spoon...
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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