me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
