Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
