K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
