there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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