My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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