The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
