We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize
