Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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