There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
