i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
