all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
