at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
