dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
