It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Randomize
