and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
