I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
