I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm bleeding and have questions
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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