I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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