somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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