did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
