Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
two words...techno handjob
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
