I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
