True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
