What did we do last night that was yellow?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
