wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
