he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize