is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
