Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
