I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
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I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
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I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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