I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
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