i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
is it fun? or sober?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
