your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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