Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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